i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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