My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize