so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
