I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
