ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
