Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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