Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize