So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
