Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
