wanna go halves on a baby?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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