It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
