Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
