I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
