I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
