if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
