Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
