ya dads aren't the best wingmen
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
