Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
