i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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