somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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