If i come over, it means nothing
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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