I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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