i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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