areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dignity is for republicans.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
