I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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