3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
