Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
