CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
