I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
