I want to walk on stilts...naked
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
