I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
