forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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