the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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