just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
