Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
