It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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