tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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