I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
