I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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