there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
