just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
