Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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