So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
