i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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