I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
