Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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