I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
