dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
