There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
