im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
