Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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