There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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