I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
