I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
