so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
