Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
