If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
pop tarts are not kleenex
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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