my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
