Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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