If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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