Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
