i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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