she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
