new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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