My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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