if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
