Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
