sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
