Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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