there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
