Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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