i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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