third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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