She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
