All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
