literally had 100 drinks last night.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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