Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
