I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
